plajus:

pancakestein:

wtf is with America.. get me out..

americans joke on here about being the most amazing country to exist, but it’s all code. please save us. holy shit please get us out of here

(via hallelujahdestiel)

mirrorarcana:

I’m so sorry

benedictcumberbatchsgirlfriend:

please don’t get into an argument with me because I will bring you fucking down

(via lonelyllamaa)

original-plastic:

Homosexuality is unnatural! It says so in this book where snakes talk, people come back from the dead, a guy walks on water, and a virgin has a baby.

(via therealityoftemporariness)

andrew-jason:

Pixar’s upcoming short film Lava [x

(Source: musicalhog, via therealityoftemporariness)

nalcania2:

boop

here’s what u missed if you didn’t visit my stream ;-n9

(via maximumbuttitude)

GloZell shows why cultural representation is so important (x)

(Source: evergreenring, via therealityoftemporariness)

fujishuusukelover:

lucyrue:

it’s scary cause i almost can’t tell the difference.

there is no reality. there is only anime

(Source: animemountains, via consultingviking)

baracknobama:

theres this kid in my maths class who can recite pi to 720 digits

and im there like image

(Source: baracknobama, via jonophobias)

unamusedsloth:

Nude Portraits series by photographer Trevor Christensen

(via consultingviking)

dvnbroch:

Appreciation of Merida’s many gestures  (◡‿◡✿)

Bonus:

(via evora-eriu-mclaggen)

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

(via lonelyllamaa)

1nd2rd3st:

ridge:

do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed 

495,571 people whose mama taught them right

(via c-loudatlas)

ttobe:

image

the drem„„,

(via consultingviking)

zombiesandporn:

childishflamingo:

my favorite thing in stories is when the antagonist doesn’t die, but instead they realize they were being kind of a stupid dick (maybe because the protagonist saved them or something) and then they have to kind of awkwardly tag along with the heroes in order to make up for their mistakes and gradually become slightly less evil

image

(Source: zukozukozukozukozuko, via consultingviking)